Being asked to mentor someone can feel like an honor—but it can also feel overwhelming
and intimidating, especially if you’ve never had a mentee before. You might question
whether you’re even qualified to guide this person in their life or career. However,
every expert must start somewhere.
Mentoring is a relationship which supports learning and experimentation, helping individuals
develop their potential. A mentoring relationship is one where both mentor and mentee
recognize the need for personal development. Successful mentoring is based upon trust
and confidentiality.
Get to know your mentee. Ask them a lot of questions. Take the time to take note of
what makes them tick. What are their challenges? Goals? How can you support them?
It's easy to want to tell someone what to do, but that's not your role as a mentor.
The more you get to know them, the more you can build on the foundation of a successful
and productive relationship.
Understand what your Mentee wants to learn?
As a first-time mentor, get to the core of what your mentee wants to learn. Mentors
sometimes fall into the trap of doing more talking than listening. Understand why
they picked you. What do they see in you that they want to develop? Talk about those
objectives and then invite them to prepare the next time you use that skill. For example,
they love your presentation style. Work on it together!
Help with the little things!
Often mentors want to provide big insights and give general advice. The best mentors
are willing to help with little things that are actually big things. Mentors should
be willing to speak to the mentees about how to craft an appropriate email, create
a great presentation in PowerPoint and how to dress for different events. Mentors
who are willing to get in the detail muck make a huge difference.
Know Yourself
Take time to assess exactly what you have to offer as a mentor—your skills, strengths,
experiences, knowledge and networks. Go into the relationship knowing what you bring
to the table and then partner with your mentee to see how that aligns with what they
want to learn and share. Then you both can work together to make it a mutually engaging
relationship.
Remember your Mentee's Situation
It's difficult, but important to balance the huge amount of experience (that qualifies
you as a mentor) and the situation the mentee is in. A mentor has to remember what
it was like when they were in this early stage, because not everything they can do
now is also suitable for a mentee. The main question is: Is this advice (e.g. what
I would do) also applicable in this very different situation?
Establish Expectations
As a mentor, it is important to set very clear expectations of what a thriving mentoring
relationship looks like to your mentee. Firstly, the mentee needs to have a purpose
for the mentoring relationship to be impactful. Secondly, the onus of taking notes,
setting action items, learning and applying are on the mentee. As a mentor, you are
there to provide guidance and support to further their goals.
Let the Mentee Lead
Much like coaching, mentoring is about guiding and empowering, not directing. Making
the mentee the star—giving encouragement, helping identify skills and resources they
both have and need, exploring ideas to reach their goals—is more meaningful than being
prescriptive. Know what the mentee seeks from the relationship and let them lead.
Use your expertise only to inform your questions.
Stop Judging Yourself!
Self-critique is often the roadblock keeping you from being great, because self-judging
leads you to question every decision. But your mentee is focused on their own development.
You only need to do your best, teach from experience and know you will always be working
on what you teach. You're ready!
Practice Active Listening
One of the most important things one can do for a mentee is to listen. Let them talk.
Don't feel like you need to have all the answers. To be honest, no one knows better
about what is best for them than themselves. Many times, it just takes talking through
things. If you can provide that sounding board, you are a valuable resource.
Shift Between Coaching & Mentoring
A successful mentor uses both coaching and mentoring skills. Mentoring involves drawing
upon the mentor's own skills, knowledge and experience to advise the mentee, whereas
coaching incorporates open-ended questions in order to create awareness on behalf
of the mentee. Toggling back and forth between pulling and pushing is the best way
to provide a quality mentoring experience.
Build Rapport & Support Them
Create a safe space and demonstrate a genuine interest in your mentee. Be supportive
and honest, honor agreements and keep appointments. Always do what you say you’ll
do, wherever possible. Share your experience, challenges and wisdom, but don’t intervene
too quickly to solve their problems. Ask guiding questions rather than advising. Encourage
them to find their own solutions. Praise and empower.
Ensure the Relationship is Reciprocal
A trusting, collaborative relationship is foundational for mentoring partnerships.
One vital element of the relationship is reciprocity. Each partner contributes to
the relationship and learns from the other. Without the presence of learning, mentoring
doesn’t exist. As a mentor, it’s key to engage and guide your partner appropriately
to create and maintain a climate that supports learning.
Share the Good and the Bad
As a first-time mentor, it's important to realize you are not expected to be a superhero
with every answer and every accomplishment. It's truly more important to be authentic
and allow your mentee to learn from your mistakes, growing pains, good choices and
best practices. Share the good with the bad, be OK with saying "I don't know" and
introduce your mentee to your network for further growth.
Get Excited!
People like to feel good. Charge yourself up with great memories or music before the
interaction. Then imagine you are "throwing" positivity at your mentee. Emotion rubs
off, and they will remember you for it.
Mentor Resources
As a Mentor, you have a plethora of resources available to you!
At Mentor Collective, we seek to make life-changing relationships a feature of every
student’s college experience. To realize this vision, we partner with forward-thinking
institutions that are committed to equity, inclusion, and relationship-centered education.
Connect with a current student who shares a familiar course of study, interests, life
experience, or aspiration in ways that work for both of you—whether it’s video chatting,
texting, meeting for coffee, or a combination.
Being asked to mentor someone can feel like an honor—but it can also feel overwhelming
and intimidating, especially if you’ve never had a mentee before. You might question
whether you’re even qualified to guide this person in their life or career. However,
every expert must start somewhere.